{"id":186,"date":"2023-01-14T14:27:20","date_gmt":"2023-01-14T19:27:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ardath-rekha.com\/wips\/?p=186"},"modified":"2023-01-22T00:56:42","modified_gmt":"2023-01-22T05:56:42","slug":"the-slow-burn-chapter-8","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ardath-rekha.com\/wips\/the-slow-burn-chapter-8\/","title":{"rendered":"The Slow Burn, Chapter 8"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>Title:<\/b> The Slow Burn<br \/>\n<b>Chapter:<\/b> 8 of ?<br \/>\n<b>Fandom:<\/b> Pitch Black<br \/>\n<b>Synopsis:<\/b> This is a reworked version of chapter 8 (formerly chapter 7) of <i>The Slow Burn<\/i>, which was my first attempt at fan fiction. It was semi-successful, but I stopped writing it after I found my real calling with <i>Apprentice<\/i>. Now I\u2019m revisiting it. The story adds an original character to the group of survivors, and this time around I\u2019m trying to strip away any and all Mary Sue qualities she possessed. In this heavily reworked chapter, Fiona attempts to address a glaring inequity in how Riddick is being treated.<br \/>\n<b>Note:<\/b> When I first wrote this chapter, I had no idea that one of the hallmarks of a Mary Sue was appropriating actions and dialogue associated with canon characters, and that having Fiona give Riddick her breather was so egregious. While she still shares her breather with him in this version of the chapter, I have attempted to ameliorate it some by having her contemplate how monumental the same action on Shazza\u2019s part would actually be (which then does happen later). Plus, a lot more happens than previously. Hopefully it flows better.<\/p>\n<input type='hidden' bg_collapse_expand='6a8e724ac5efc1054341675' value='6a8e724ac5efc1054341675'><input type='hidden' id='bg-show-more-text-6a8e724ac5efc1054341675' value='This story has, overall, an X rating, and is derived from an R-rated movie. By clicking on this link to access the story, you are declaring that you are 18 years of age or older, and that this content is not illegal in your place of residence.'><input type='hidden' id='bg-show-less-text-6a8e724ac5efc1054341675' value='Hide the story again.'><button id='bg-showmore-action-6a8e724ac5efc1054341675' class='bg-showmore-plg-button bg-green-button  '   style=\" color:#D9ECFB;\">This story has, overall, an X rating, and is derived from an R-rated movie. By clicking on this link to access the story, you are declaring that you are 18 years of age or older, and that this content is not illegal in your place of residence.<\/button><div id='bg-showmore-hidden-6a8e724ac5efc1054341675' ><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;margin-bottom: 20px\"><b>8.<br \/><u>Fiona: Offerings<\/u><\/b><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cSo, click your fingers and he\u2019s one of us, now?\u201d <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Fiona glanced over toward Shazza and Johns where they walked side-by-side. <i>\u201cOne of us?\u201d When you\u2019re treating him like a pack mule?<\/i><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">After all of the fuss and drama, she and the others had finally learned just what Fry, Johns, and the Imam had found on their search for water: a settlement. A <i>human<\/i> settlement, to be exact, and apparently abandoned, but with supplies left behind. One of the Imam\u2019s three charges, a boy only a year or two younger than her named Suleiman, had tried to tell her and Jack about the wonders they had found there, although his English was limited and he kept slipping back into Arabic whenever he got excited. But the place was apparently solar-powered, large enough to house all of the survivors, had a moisture condenser that he was confident he and his two cousins could get working again\u2026 and had <i>a small escape craft.<\/i><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">In the wake of Zeke\u2019s death, the decision to switch camps had been immediate and unanimous. Shazza had told her and Jack to take only what they could easily carry because it was a few hours\u2019 walk. The heaviest necessities had been piled onto a makeshift sled. Riddick, now free of his chains, had been put in charge of dragging it\u2014by those very same chains\u2014while the others walked ahead. Somehow, so far, he had been able to keep up. More or less, anyway. He had started ahead of everyone, but was now bringing up the rear.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\"> There was still anger and hostility in Shazza\u2019s voice as she and Johns talked, as if she still blamed Riddick for Zeke\u2019s death. Fiona sighed and glanced back at the man in question. <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Riddick had fallen a little further behind the others since she had last looked back. Only Paris was still near him, laboring under his own weighty burdens. The ridiculous man would have found a way to drag his entire cargo hold with him if they\u2019d allowed him to; as it was, he was almost as heavily-laden as Riddick himself. Most of his sacks appeared to contain large bottles of exotic alcohol. Fiona couldn\u2019t imagine that the heat of the suns beating down on them was at all good for his supply. As she watched, one of the wine bottles fell out of a sack and rolled back, stopping at Riddick\u2019s feet.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Fiona couldn\u2019t actually hear what Paris and Riddick were saying, but the pantomime was enough to stop her in her tracks as she suppressed laughter. When Paris extended his hand for the bottle, Riddick gave him a wide, wolfish smile and pretended they were introducing themselves to each other, shaking his hand rather than putting the bottle into it. As the much smaller man hemmed and hawed, Riddick opened the bottle and drank down the entire contents in one long draught, not even stopping for a breath.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">It was only then that she realized that, burdened as he was, Riddick didn\u2019t appear to have any bottles of his own \u2014 and she, and Jack, and even the Muslim boys had a bottle apiece of something low-proof and potable \u2014 much less\u2014<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\"><i>Bloody hell, they didn\u2019t give him a breather.<\/i><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Paris passed her, his steps shuffling on the sandy slope but quick with panic and his arms protectively spanning his sacks as he hurried forward. Clearly he didn\u2019t want to lose any more of his loot to the man tasked with dragging most of it. As Riddick approached, his mouth quirking, she unslung her breather from her shoulders and held it out to him. <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cHere,\u201d she told him. \u201cI think you need this more than I do.\u201d <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">He stared at her for a moment, his pace lagging as she moved to walk beside him. She continued to hold the unit out. After a moment, he took it and placed it across his shoulders, over the sled\u2019s chain. <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cYou sure about this, Fee? You ain\u2019t letting yourself in for a picnic here.\u201d <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\"><i>Fee.<\/i><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Her family had always called her that. Oddly enough, hearing him use it didn\u2019t sting as much as she\u2019d thought it might. There was pain, but it was still remote and muted, staying out of the way of the more immediate concerns around her. She nodded. \u201cMaybe if it gets bad you can let me have a hit or something.\u201d <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Riddick nodded, a slight smile crossing his face. Then he lifted the breather tube up and took a long drag on it. \u201cHmm,\u201d he said after a moment, quirking his lips at her. <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cWhat?\u201d <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">He leaned over, dropping his voice as if to keep the others from hearing, even though everyone was out of range. \u201cNow I know what your mouth tastes like.\u201d His breath was warm on her cheek, but somehow it sent shivers through her.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Raised voices ahead caught her attention. She and Riddick were entering the canyon Suleiman had described and the others were now leaving them behind, hurrying toward its other end and the slope that would take them into the settlement. Johns glanced back at them, shook his head, and then nudged Jack, who turned and started trudging toward them.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cI think you might be in trouble,\u201d Riddick chuckled.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Johns and Shazza <i>had<\/i> forbidden Jack from talking to Riddick, but that was hardly going to work with Fiona. She was no child, and had no intention of allowing them to treat her like one. Still, it was clear that Jack was being sent to fetch her away from the Big Bad Wolf, before\u2026<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\"><i>Before what, exactly? Do they think he\u2019s going to throw me down on the ground and have his way with me?<\/i> And why did that thought make her insides melt?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cBetter take this back,\u201d Riddick continued, handing her back the breather. \u201cYou know they\u2019ll think I stole it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Fortunately, it didn\u2019t seem like anyone had noticed that yet, except maybe Jack. But he was right. Shazza had refused to make another breather for Riddick, although she had claimed that she was just out of parts\u2026 all Hell might break loose if she realized he\u2019d acquired one anyway. She was very protective of the gear and of the younger members of the group. It would take an act of God Himself to get her to give Riddick a breather. Or let one of her \u201ckids\u201d \u2014 a group that included Fiona whether or not she wanted it to \u2014 give him one. That was a battle best avoided.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">Before Jack could reach them, Fiona slung the unit back over her shoulders and took a small hit, deliberately lingering on keeping the mouthpiece between her lips.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\"><i>Am I really doing this?<\/i><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cNow I know what <i>your<\/i> mouth tastes like,\u201d she told Riddick. Her voice cracked just a little on the last word and <i>her<\/i> mouth was suddenly dry.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">She couldn\u2019t see his eyes behind the goggles, but the goggles themselves shifted upward just a little. She was pretty sure she\u2019d managed to surprise him.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cJohns says I\u2019m supposed to come get you,\u201d Jack said breathlessly as she joined them. The tall girl, still keeping up her boy masquerade, gave Riddick an apologetic look.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">\u201cYou two go on ahead,\u201d he said, an amused smile on his face. \u201cI\u2019m not far behind.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">As she and Jack hurried back to the rest of the group, Fiona found herself hoping that, given what seemed to be happening, the younger girl didn\u2019t have a crush on Riddick. Or at least, not enough of one that it would cause problems if\u2014<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-indent:.25in\">If what, though? What <i>was<\/i> happening here? With a pang, she wished Maggie were with her. Of the two of them, Maggie was the one who would have understood just what she was getting herself into.<\/p>\n<p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Title: The Slow Burn Chapter: 8 of ? Fandom: Pitch Black Synopsis: This is a reworked version of chapter 8 (formerly chapter 7) of The Slow Burn, which was my first attempt at fan fiction. 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