A Very Scooby Pillow Fight
By Ardath Rekha
Synopsis: Angelus taunts an old friend/enemy inside a church.
Category: Fan Fiction
Fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003) and Angel (1999-2004)
Series: None
Challenges: LadyElaine’s “Anywhere but Vindom” challenge
Rating: T
Orientation: Gen
Pairings: None
Warnings: Adult Situations, Innuendo, and Mild Language
The characters and events of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are © 1997-2003 20th Century Fox Television, Mutant Enemy Productions, Sandollar Television, and Kuzui Enterprises; Created by Joss Whedon; Executive-Produced by Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Marti Noxon, Fran Rubel Kuzui, and Kaz Kuzui. The characters and events of Angel are © 1999-2004 20th Century Fox Television, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Television, Greenwolf Corp., and David Greenwalt Productions; created by Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt; Executive-Produced by Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Tim Minear, Jeffrey Bell, David Fury, Fran Rubel Kuzui, and Kaz Kuzui. This work of fan fiction is a transformative work for entertainment purposes only, with no claims on, nor intent to infringe upon, the rights of the parties listed above. All additional characters and situations are the creation of, and remain the property of, Ardath Rekha. eBook design and cover art by LaraRebooted, utilizing a publicity still of David Boreanaz as Angel, the Buffied font from Font Meme, and background graphics © 1998 Noel Mollon, adapted and licensed via Teri Williams Carnright from the now-retired Fantasyland Graphics site (c. 2003). This eBook may not be sold or advertised for sale. If you are a copyright holder of any of the referenced works, and believe that part or all of this eBook exceeds fair use practices under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, please contact Ardath Rekha.
Rev. 2022.10.09
A Very Scooby Pillow Fight
It’s been a long time since you had the opportunity to mess with Xander Harris’s head. You’ve missed it.
And what an opportunity! You follow him into the church with glee. Around you, you can feel energy crackling in outrage at your presence, but why should you care? You are Angelus. Even the Master and Kakistos could not compare to you. No darker demon soul runs through any vampire’s veins than through yours. Let the Powers That Be rage against you — even Hell itself couldn’t hold you.
You drift behind him as he makes his way to the fountain. You smirk. There isn’t enough Holy Water in the world anyway.
“So how many baptisms do you think they’ll have to cancel for you?” You ask Xander, and he whirls.
It’s fun watching him recover and pretend you didn’t scare him. Fun watching him force back the fear and shove scorn forward in its place. “I thought you couldn’t come into places like this, Dead Boy.”
Asshole. You haven’t been a boy since his seven-times-great-grandfather was still in his nappies. Okay, okay, don’t let him rile you.
“Well,” you drawl, remembering one of his strange little quirks, “It’s all a question of Faith.”
He blinks. More accurately, he winks. Yeah, he still has that twitch. It’s kind of a shame you never got in on any of that, you think. You bet Faith was a blast in the sack. Now she’s gone all repentant. Too bad. She had a lot of potential. She could have wreaked havoc on the whole world at your side. Kind of a shame “Conscience Boy” made you miss that boat.
“Yes,” you repeat, enjoying yourself. “It has everything to do with how much Faith you have.” Oh, this is too much fun! His eye twitched shut again! “How much
Xander winks again and his eyes shift past you. “Looks like I’ve got a lot.”
Not that old “look behind you” thing again.
“C’mon, Xand,” you say. “That was old when I was still human.”
A polite cough comes from behind you. You turn around.
It’s an elderly priest. He smiles at you just a little, his mouth tight, and you can see in his eyes that he knows exactly what you are.
“I suggest you depart, Hellspawn,” the cleric says. Oh, that’s the best bullshit line anybody’s given you in ages! Especially with the pillow in the man’s hand! What’s up with that? God’s Chosen needs a security blanket?
“Or you’ll do what, hit me with your pillow?” Why not mock?
The priest’s mouth flattens into a disapproving line and he tosses the pillow at you. Your hand comes up to bat it aside
YEEEEEOWCH!!!
Pain sizzles across your palm. You stare at the pillow as it drops to the stone floor — there’s a freaking crucifix embroidered on it!
“Got all the faith I need!” Xander Harris crows as you flee the church, clutching your hand.